The Accident
by MrTennek
Summary: Goku and Gohan decide to play a prank on Vegeta, but of course, like always, things go horribly awry.
1. Original Version

DBZ - The Accident Goku - Chichi, me and Gohan are going out for a while!

Chichi - Okay. Where are you two going?

Gohan - Over to Vegeta's house.

Chichi - Okay-- what?

Goku - See ya later!

Gohan - Bye Mom!

Chichi - Why on earth would they be going over to Vegeta's house?

(at Vegeta's house)  
Vegeta - (reading a newspaper)

Bulma - (painting her nails)

(ouside Vegeta's house)  
Gohan - Man, this is going to be so funny!

Goku - Yeah, I can't wait to see Vegeta's face when we chuck a rock through his window!  
(starts laughing) This is going to be hilarious!

Gohan - How big a rock do you want Dad?

Goku - A big one Gohan!

Gohan - How's this? (hands him a big rock)

Goku - Perfect son! Now watch your father and learn how it's done! Then maybe next time you can throw the rock!

Gohan - Yeah!

Goku - Here we go! (throws the rock)

(inside Vegeta's house)  
Vegeta - (still reading a newspaper)

Bulma - (still painting her nails)

(suddenly, a rock flies through their living room window and nails Vegeta right in the face)

Vegeta - AHHH, MY FREAKIN' EYE!

Bulma - Oh my God!

(outside Vegeta's house)  
Goku - (laughing hysterically) I got him!

Gohan - Uh...dad? I think he's hurt!

Goku - (still laughing) I know!

(inside Vegeta's house)  
Vegeta - My God; I think that rock shattered my retina!

Bulma - I'll call the paramedics! (runs off)

Vegeta - GOD ALMIGHTY!

(outside Vegeta's house)  
Goku - Oh crap...I think your right...I think we did hurt him...badly...

Gohan - (gulps) Now what!

Goku - WE RUN AWAY LIKE FREAKIN' HELL! (runs away)

Gohan - Hey! Wait for me! (runs away)

(at Goku's house)  
Goku - (runs inside and slams the door frantically)

Gohan - (follows him)

Chichi - Goku! Gohan! What's going on! You both look really scared!

Goku - Uh...(looks at Gohan)

Gohan - Uh...(looks at Goku)

Chichi - Well?

Goku - Uh...we were being chased by a dog...yeah! Right Gohan? (laughs nervously)

Gohan - Right Dad! (laughs nervously)

Chichi - Okay...Anyways, I've already made lunch; it's out in the--

Goku - (already eating)

Gohan - (already eating)

Chichi - --kitchen.

(in the kitchen)  
Goku - (eating quickly)

Gohan - (eating quickly)

Chichi - So you two, how's Vegeta and Bulma doing?

Goku - (chokes violently) (looks at Gohan)

Gohan - (looks at Goku)

Goku - (still violently choking) (angrily) What are you implying?

Gohan - (quietly) Idiot...

Chichi - What? All I asked was how they were doing!

Goku - (trying to stop choking) How would we know anyway?

Chichi - Well...didn't you visit Vegeta and Bulma just a while ago?

Goku - (still choking) Oh yeah! Right! (face turning blue) They're both fine! (laughs nervously)

Gohan - Right! Fine! (laughs nervously)

Goku - (choking violently)

Chichi - Goku?

Goku - (falls to the ground and stops moving)

Gohan - That can't be good.

(later on, at Goku's house)  
(Goku, Gohan and Chichi are watching TV)

Chichi - You know, I think I'm gonna give Bulma a call and see how she's doing...

Goku - Eh! (chokes on his food)

Gohan - Eh! (looks at Goku) (whispers) Dad, if she calls there, she'll find out!

Goku - (still choking) Uh...Chichi...(coughs)...wait! (coughs)

Chichi - What is it Goku?

Goku - You can't call there! (chokes loudly)

Chichi - Why not?

Goku - Because...uh...er...um...me and Gohan accidentally blinded Vegeta in one eye with a rock!

Gohan - (slaps his forhead) Idiot!

Chichi - YOU AND GOHAN DID WHAT?

Goku - It was an accident Chichi! And Gohan's not to blame, I threw the rock!

Chichi - For the love of God Goku...

Goku - We didn't mean to blind him! We only meant to play a practical joke on him!

Chichi - We have to go and visit him at the hospital!

Goku - But--

Chichi - And you two need to tell him that it was you two who through that rock and blinded him!

Gohan - But Mom, if we tell him that, he'll kill us both!

Chichi - Yeah well, the both of you deserve what we gives you!

Goku - Or how about this? How about we just send him a nice 'get well' card and some balloons from all of us and just put this whole thing behind us?

(long silence)

Goku - Okay, I'll take that as a no.

(later that night)  
Goku - Uh, man I'm tired!

Chichi - I refuse to share a bed with a man like you!

Goku - (pushes her off of the bed) Okay then, you can sleep on the couch!

Chichi - .

(the next morning)  
Chichi - Are you two ready to go?

Gohan - Yeah! (walks in)

Goku - Yep (walks in)

Chichi - Goku, please tell me that you're not planning on going to the hospital dressed like that!

Goku - What? What's wrong with what I'm wearing?

Chichi - A pink T-shirt and short-shorts? My God!

Goku - Well what do 'you' think I should wear, huh?

(a few minutes later)  
Goku - (wearing a suit) Chichi, this suit is very uncomfortable!

Chichi - I should be, considering that I originally bought it for Gohan!

Goku - My God, I'm wearing a childs suit?

Gohan - (chuckling)

Chichi - Lets just go already! Jeez, by the time that we get there, his eye will already be healed!

Goku - Yeah, that's right...(whispers) Quick Gohan, stall her!

Gohan - Dad, the last time that I listened to you, look what happened!

Goku - You have a point there son.

(in the garage)  
Chichi - (get's inside the car)

Gohan - (get's inside the car)

Goku - (stops) Uh...Chichi, I'm suddenly not feeling well; I think you and Gohan'll have to go without me! (laughs nervously)

Chichi - (angrily) Get in the car Goku!

Goku - Yes mam.

(at the hospital)  
(Goku, Gohan and Chichi all walk into the hospital)

Chichi - (to the receptionist) Hello, do you know which room a Mr. Vegeta is currently in?

Receptionist - He's in room 312 on the third floor.

Chichi - Thank you. Now Gohan, you come with me; Goku I need you to go and get some 'get well'  
balloons from the gift area.

Goku - Sure thing Chichi! (leaves)

Chichi - Now let's go visit Vegeta, Gohan.

Gohan - God help me.

(in the gift area)  
Goku - Hello, can I get some balloons?

Man - Yes sir, what kind of balloons?

Goku - Just give me anything!

(in Vegeta's room)  
Chichi - (walks in the room)

Gohan - (walks in the room)

Bulma - Oh, Chichi and Gohan! What a pleasant surprise! Vegeta, wake up, we have visitors!

Vegeta - (sleeping)

Bulma - (slaps him five times) WAKE UP YOU INGRATE!

Vegeta - (wakes up) God almighty; what now?

Bulma - Chichi and Gohan came to visit you!

Vegeta - (sarcastically) Oh joy!

Bulma - You'll have to excuse Vegeta for being in such a bad mood, but he's had quite a bad day!

Chichi - Yeah, I heard! How is his eye going to be?

Bulma - The doctors say that it should heal within one to two weeks. But until then...

Vegeta - I have to wear an eyepatch! My God, I'm going to look like a damned pirate!

Gohan - (laughs)

Vegeta - I'm glad that you find this whole thing so damned funny! Oh well...at least you didn't bring Kakarot with you...

Chichi - Uh...

Gohan - Er...

Vegeta - Oh God...he did come didn't he?

Chichi - He should be here any minute; I sent him out to get Vegeta some 'get well' balloons.

Bulma - Oh, how nice!

Goku - (walks in) Hey all!

Bulma - Hi Goku!

Vegeta - (grumbles to himself)

Goku - Hi Vegeta! I felt really bad for you when I heard about your eye injury, so I bought these nice balloons for you! (hands him the balloons)

Vegeta - (looks at the balloons) 'Congradulations on the New Baby'?

Goku - Huh? (looks at the balloons) AH, CRAP!

Chichi - For God's sakes...

Vegeta - (sarcastically) Gee, thanks Kakarot. I'm so glad that you remembered about my new baby! My God...can this day get any worse?

Goku - Uh...yes?

Vegeta - ...

Chichi - Goku, maybe this isn't the best time to tell him--

Gohan - Dad--

Goku - I have something to tell you...

Vegeta - Good God, what now?

Goku - ...It was me who threw that rock through your window and injured your left eye...

Vegeta - ...

Chichi - ...

Goku - ...

Gohan - ...

Bulma - ...

Goku - ...um...yeah!

Vegeta - (face turns red)

Goku - (scared) Uh! It was just an accident, it was just supposed to be a practical joke!  
(laughs nervously)

Vegeta - (face turns even redder)

Goku - Uh...Gohan was also in on it!

Gohan - Dad!

Vegeta - (eyes start to bulge in anger)

Goku - (laughs nervously) Look, why don't we all just put this behind us and be friends again? (laughs nervously)

(one hour and several broken bones later)  
Goku - (laying in a hospital bed) I told you that we should have just sent him a 'get well'  
card and some balloons.

THE END! 


	2. Alternate Version

DBZ - The Accident (alternate version)  
Goku - Chichi, me and Gohan are going out for a while!

Chichi - Okay. Where are you two going?

Gohan - Over to Vegeta's house.

Chichi - Okay-- what?

Goku - See ya later!

Gohan - Bye Mom!

Chichi - Why on earth would they be going over to Vegeta's house?

(at Vegeta's house)  
Vegeta - (reading a newspaper)

Bulma - (painting her nails)

(ouside Vegeta's house)  
Gohan - Man, this is going to be so funny!

Goku - Yeah, I can't wait to see Vegeta's face we put Exlax into his coffee!

Gohan - Yeah! He's gonna be crapping for days!

Goku - Now, do you remember the plan?

Gohan - Yeah; once we're inside of his house, you distract him somehow while I slip a block of exlax into his coffee!

Goku - Hold on Gohan; a block?

Gohan - What?

Goku - We're gonna put '25' blocks of exlax into his coffee!

Gohan - Dad, I don't think that's a smart-- Uh, dad?

(Goku is already at Vegeta's door knocking)

Gohan - Why do I even bother.

(inside Vegeta's house)  
Bulma - (walks up to door) Hello? Who is it?

Goku - It's Goku and Gohan!

Bulma - Oh! (opens door) Hi Goku and Gohan! What brings you out here?

Goku - Oh, we just thought that we might come over and visit; see how you guys are doing!

Bulma - Well isn't that nice! Vegeta, we have company!

(silence)

Bulma - Vegeta?

(silence)

Bulma - (screams) GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!

Vegeta - (screams from another room) FINE! (walks out) What the hell is going on?  
I was just about to watch 'Happy Days'!

Bulma - Goku and Gohan are here to visit!

Vegeta - For Christs sake Bulma, I thought I told you never to let that fat bastard of an ape and his freak of a son into my house!

Bulma - You'll have to excuse Vegeta, but something seems to be stuck up his ass today.

Vegeta - (forced laughter) So, what brings you two idiots to my house?

Goku - Well...we...uh...(thinking) Ah crap, I forgot to think up a reason before I left!  
(looks at Gohan)

Gohan - (looks at Goku)

Goku - Uh...I came here...to ask you...if you have dry-wall?

Vegeta - ...

Gohan - (whispers to Goku) What the hell was that?

Goku - (whispers) It's all I could think of!

Vegeta - And you couldn't just call to find out?

Goku - Uh...our phones are broken!

Vegeta - How convenient! Anyhow, yes, we do have dry-wall.

Goku - Could I see it?

Vegeta - What?

Goku - Well...you see...me and Chichi were considering having dry-wall installed into our house...because, ya know, it's the only way to go.

Vegeta - You've got that right! Best buy I've made in years.

Goku - So, can I see it?

Vegeta - Fine! This way (points down a hallway).

Bulma - Wow...I never thought I'd live to see the day where Vegeta and Goku actually agree on something...

Gohan - ...

Bulma - Would you like something to drink or eat, Gohan?

Gohan - Uh...sure! I'll have a glass of prune juice.

Bulma - Sure thing. (leaves)

Gohan - Okay, here goes nothin'! (pulls out a bar of exlax and dumps the entire thing into Vegeta's coffee) Now to give dad the signal. (sneezes loudly)

(in the basment)  
Vegeta - This is where we had the dry-wall installed.

Goku - You had leakage?

Vegeta - Oh, like nobodies bussiness!

Goku - Us too.

(loud sneezing noises)

Goku - Gazoontite!

Gohan - What the hell-- Oh crap, I think he forgot the signal! (sneezes loudly again)

(violent sneezing sounds)

Goku - Geez Gohan, I think your catching a nasty cold!

(violent sneezing sounds)

Goku - I hope you brought a hankerchief with you!

(violent sneezing sounds)

Goku - God bless you!

(violent sneezing sounds)

Goku - He must have cought something!

(a brick flies into the room and hits Goku in the head)

Goku - OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Geez...

(long silence)

(another brick flies into the room and smacks Goku in the gonads)

Goku - OW! WHERE ARE ALL OF THESE BRICKS COMING FROM?

Vegeta - (just staring confusedly)

Goku - Geez Murphey...

(an entire bookshelf flies into the room and lands on top of Goku)

Goku - OOOOWWWWWWW! WHAT THE HELL--

Gohan - GET OUT HERE ALREADY!

Goku - Sure thing son! (leaves)

Gohan - For Christs sake.

(in the living room)  
Goku - Geez Gohan, you know, all these strange things were happening down in the basement!  
First I heard all of these strange sneezing sounds, then two bricks hit me, and then a bookshelf landed on top of me! Vegeta, I think your place is haunted!

Vegeta - (uninterested) Yeah, okay, great! Anyways, I've been meaning to ask you something.  
Me and Bulma are having a newer dry-wall installed next week; this one is starting to rot; so anyways, we were wondering if you'd like to buy this one off of us, for half the price of a normal dry-wall.

Goku - Hmmm...I don't know...

Vegeta - How 'bout this; if you buy it, I'll throw in a waterpik!

Bulma - (from another room) YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY OUR WATERPIK!

Vegeta - YOU WANNA BET? (clears his throat) Anyways, you interested?

Goku - Normaly I wouldn't, but with a waterpik, who could turn down an offer like that! How much are you asking?

Vegeta - $700 for the dry-wall and waterpik.

Bulma - (from another room) YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY OUR WATERPIK!

Vegeta - YOU WANNA BET? (clears his throat) Gamned woman and her waterpik...

Goku - Sure, I'll take it!

Gohan - (whispers) Dad, that's triple the normal price of dry-wall and that waterpik is broken!

Goku - Gohan, I think I'm smart enough to make my own decisions without your 'sassy' little commentary.

Gohan - (laughs)

Goku - (gives Gohan a dirty glare) Here's the money Vegeta! (hands him the money)

Gohan - (laughing uncontrollably)

Goku - (smacks Gohan)

Gohan - Ow!

Vegeta - Alright, you can pick up the dry-wall and waterpik monday.

Bulma - (from another room) YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY THAT WATERPIK!

Vegeta - SHUT UP ALREADY!

Goku - But it's already Tuesday! That means that I'm already a day late! AH CRAP!  
NOW I CAN'T HAVE YOUR DRY-WALL OR THE WATERPIK! (starts crying)

Vegeta - For Christs sake, just get out of my house already.

Goku - Okee dokee! Oh; and enjoy your coffee! (leaves with Gohan)

Vegeta - (confused) Thank you?...Thank God that's over! (takes a sip of his coffee) Hmm.  
this tastes strange...Bulma, what brand of coffee did you buy again?

Bulma - 'Royal Pricks Blend'. I thought that you liked that stuff!

Vegeta - Yeah I do...but this doesn't taste at all like 'Royal Pricks'!

Bulma - God almighty Vegeta, it's just coffee!

Vegeta - (takes another sip) It has a very strong flavour of chocolate...and something else.  
Well, might as not let it go to waste! (drinks the rest of it)

(five hours and twenty-five squares of exlax later, at Vegeta's house)  
(Vegeta and Bulma are both sitting in the living room watching 'Happy Days')

Vegeta - You know, knowing Kakarot, he's probably going to forget completely about picking up the dry-wall and waterpik.

Bulma - YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY MY WATERPIK!

Vegeta - WHAT IS WITH YOU AND YOUR WATER--

(loud rumbling)

Bulma - What the hell was that?

Vegeta - (sickly) Ugh...I don't...feel so good...

(louder rumbling)

Vegeta - Christ almighty...my bowels...feel like they're gonna BURST!

Bulma - Vege--

Vegeta - AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (runs off like a madman into the bathroom)

Bulma - ...

(loud flatulent noises come from the bathroom)

Vegeta - AI YAI YAI, I GOTTA POOP, AI!

(deafening flatulent noises)

(meanwhile, at Goku's house, in the kitchen)  
Goku - (eating quickly)

Gohan - (eating quickly)

Chichi - So you two, how's Vegeta and Bulma doing?

Goku - They're doing fine! Vegeta decided to sell me his dry-wall and waterpik!

Bulma - (from the distance) YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUR WATERPIK!

Gohan - ...

Chichi - ...So, how much did you pay for it?

Goku - Only $700!

Chichi - YOU IDIOT! DRY-WALL ONLY COSTS $130 DOWN AT THE LOCAL STORE!

(long silence)

Goku - (realizes his stupidity) AH CRAP! Well why the hell did no one tell me that?

Gohan - And Dad, don't forget to tell Mom that it's also rotting and leaking!

Chichi - WHAT?

Gohan - And the waterpik doesn't even work!

Bulma - (from the distance) YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUR WATERPIK!

(later on, at Goku's house)  
(Goku, Gohan and Chichi are all watching TV in the living room)  
(the phone rings)

Chichi - I'll get it. (picks the phone up) Hello? Oh hi Bulma!

Goku - Erh! (looks at Gohan)

Gohan - (looks at Goku)

Chichi - Oh my God! That's awful! What could have happened to him? Yes, we can come over.

Goku - (nervous as hell)

Gohan - (shaking)

Chichi - Okay. Goodbye Bulma. (hangs up) My God, you wouldn't believe what happened to Vegeta!

Goku - (still nervous) Uh...what?

Chichi - Bulma says that Vegeta had to be taken to a hospital because he couldn't stop going to the toilet!

Gohan - Er...

Chichi - Anyways, I told Bulma that all of us would go and visit Vegeta tomorrow, and see how he's doing.

Goku - Oh...great! (laughs nervously) (looks at Gohan)

Gohan - (laughs nervously)

(later that night)  
Goku - (dreaming)

-(dream)-

Vegeta - How could you do that to me Kakarot? After all I've done for you, you almost poison me to death with Exlax! I thought you said that I was your bestest buddie in the whole world! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR BESTEST BUDDIE?

-(dream)-

Goku - (wakes up screaming)

Chichi - My God Goku, what's wrong?

Goku - (panting and sweating) Oh man...I just had a horrible nightmare...(looks down) Oh DAMMIT!

Chichi - What's wrong?

Goku - I wet 'em again! (leaves)

Chichi - I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to take him off of diapers.

(the next morning)  
Goku - Mmmm! Somethin' smells good! What's cookin'?

Chichi - I made sausages and eggs for breakfast! Come and get it!

(Goku and Gohan rush into the kitchen and start to inhale their food)

Chichi - By the way Goku, I have something that I'd like to ask you.

Goku - (still wolfing down food) What?

Chichi - I was looking around our bedroom today for something, and I came across this in your cupboard. (holds up a box of Exlax with 25 squares missing)

Goku - ERRGH! (chokes on food) (trying to sound calm) Yeah, so? What's the big deal?

Gohan - (nervously eating)

Chichi - Well, normaly, nothing! But then I remembered something; right after you went over to Vegeta's house, he got violently ill and had to go to the toilet non-stop! Goku...do you have something that you should tell me?

Goku - Uh, yeah! Uh...happy anniversary Chichi!

Chichi - ...

Goku - Uh...would you believe me if I told you that I was constipated like nobodies bussiness,  
and I had to take 25 squares of Exlax to take a crap?

Chichi - ...

Gohan - I don't think she believes you Dad.

Chichi - OH GOKU, HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING TO VEGETA! AND AFTER ALL HE HAS DONE FOR YOU!

Gohan - Yeah Dad! Remember the waterpik?

Bulma - (from the distance) YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THAT WATERPIK!

Goku - But Gohan was the one who put the Exlax into his coffee!

Gohan - Dammit Dad!

Chichi - Look! I promised Bulma that we were going to go and visit Vegeta in the hospital, and so help me God, we are still going to do that!

Goku - But--

Chichi - And once we're there, the two of you are going to tell him what you did, and that will be the end of that!

Gohan - But Mom, Vegeta's gonna kill us!

Chichi - Yeah, well, the two of you probably deserve it!

Goku - Or, how about we just forget that all of this even happened, and just let bygons be bygons?

(long silence)

Goku - Okay, I'll take that as a no.

(two hours later)  
Chichi - Are you two ready to go yet?

Goku - Yep!

Gohan - Yeah.

Chichi - Good, then let's get going.

Goku - Okay! Boy oh boy, I can't wait to get that waterpik!

Bulma - (from the distance) YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THAT--

Goku - OKAY ALREADY!

(in the garage)  
Chichi - (get's inside the car)

Gohan - (get's inside the car)

Goku - (get's inside the car) You know Gohan, this whole stupid thing is so blown out of proportion!

Gohan - I don't know Dad--

Goku - I mean, just how bad can that Exlax stuff really be? I mean, we all know how weak Vegeta's bowels are after all!

Gohan - Fine then, why don't you try some?

Goku - Fine! Gimme a square of that stuff! I'll show you just how weak this stuff really is!  
(eats a block of Exlax) Mmmm, chocolaty! See; I just ate a piece and I'm fine!

(five minutes later)  
(loud rumbling)

Goku - Oh God...

Gohan - You okay Dad?

Goku - (trying to look cool) Oh yeah son! It'll take more than one square of Exlax to make this Saiyan run to the toilet!

(deafening rumbling)

Goku - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHICHI, STOP THE DAMNED CAR, I HAVE TO TAKE A CRAP!

Chichi - For the love of God Goku, why the hell did you eat that?

(the car stops)

Goku - (runs outside into some bushes)

(long silence)

(loud flatulent noises and screams come from the bushes)

Gohan - Jesus, I don't think he's ever going to walk the same after that.

Goku - (emerges from the bushes looking violently ill) (get's into the car)

Gohan - So whatever happened to 'It'll take more than one square of Exlax to make this Saiyan run to the toilet'?

Goku - (looking extremely ill) Whatever.

(at the hospital)  
(Goku, Gohan and Chichi all get out of their car)

Goku - (walks with a limp, holding his ass, to the main door)

Chichi - (to the receptionist) Hello, do you know which room a Mr. Vegeta is currently in?

Receptionist - He's in room 110 on the first floor.

Chichi - Thank you. Now Gohan, you come with me; Goku I need you to go and get some 'get well'  
balloons from the gift area.

Goku - Sure thing Chichi! (leaves)

Chichi - Now let's go visit Vegeta, Gohan.

Gohan - Oh joy.

(in the gift area)  
Goku - Hello, can I get some balloons?

Man - Yes sir, what kind of balloons?

Goku - Just give me anything!

(in Vegeta's room)  
Chichi - (walks in the room)

Gohan - (walks in the room)

Bulma - Oh, Chichi and Gohan! Thank you so much for coming! Vegeta, wake up, you have visitors!

Vegeta - (sleeping)

Bulma - Vegeta?

Vegeta - (snoring)

Bulma - (slaps him five times) WAKE UP YOU INGRATE!

Vegeta - (wakes up) God almighty; what now?

Bulma - Chichi and Gohan came to visit you!

Vegeta - (sarcastically) Oh joy!

Chichi - Here Vegeta; I brought you this special Tuna Casseroll that I made especially for you!

Vegeta - (gets a whiff of the casseroll and almost vomits) UGH!...What the hell did you put in this casseroll? Ten year old rotten tuna?

Bulma - You'll have to excuse Vegeta for being in such a bad mood, but he's had quite a bad day!

Chichi - Yeah, I heard! How are you doing now?

Bulma - Well...the doctors say that Vegeta's bowels from now on will be the equivalent of that of a 3-year-olds.

Vegeta - They told me that for the next few years, I'm going to have to wear a diaper!

Gohan - (laughs)

Vegeta - I'm glad that you find this whole thing so damned funny! Oh well...at least you didn't bring that fat bastard of an ape with you...

Chichi - Uh...

Gohan - Er...

Vegeta - Oh God...he did come didn't he?

Chichi - He should be here any minute; I sent him out to get Vegeta some 'get well' balloons.

Bulma - Oh, how nice!

Goku - (walks in) Hey all!

Bulma - Hi Goku!

Vegeta - (grumbles obsenities to himself)

Goku - Hi Vegeta! I felt really bad for you when I heard about what happened to your bowels,  
so I bought these nice balloons for you! (hands him the balloons) (whispers) Psst, by the way, don't eat that casseroll, it tastes like shi--

Chichi - (smashes Goku over the head with a golf club)

(author - where the hell did she get a golf club from?)

Vegeta - (looks at the balloons) 'Happy Birthday Big Boy'?

Goku - Huh? (looks at the balloons) AH, CRAP!

Chichi - For God's sakes...

Vegeta - (sarcastically) Gee, thanks Kakarot. I'm so glad that you remembered my big boy birthday! My God, could things possibly get any worse?

Goku - Uh...yes?

Vegeta - ...

Chichi - Goku, maybe this isn't the best time to tell him--

Gohan - Dad--

Goku - I have something to tell you...

Vegeta - Good God, what now?

Goku - ...It was me who put 25 squares of Exlax into your coffee...

Vegeta - ...

Chichi - ...

Goku - ...

Gohan - ...

Bulma - ...

Goku - ...um...yeah!

Vegeta - (face turns red)

Goku - (scared) Uh, look Vegeta, I had no idea that it would do something like this to you!  
(laughs nervously)

Vegeta - (face turns even redder)

Goku - Uh...Gohan was also in on it!

Gohan - Dad!

Vegeta - (eyes start to bulge in anger)

Goku - (laughs nervously) Look, why don't we just let bygons be bygons, and all be friends again?  
(laughs nervously)

Vegeta - (starts to power up)

Goku - Look listen Vegeta! How about this; how about I pay you back with a nice dinner over at my place? Eh?

Bulma - That's an awfully nice gesture Vegeta! Come on, why not?

Vegeta - (powers to SSJ2) Kill Kakarot...

Goku - EHH!

Bulma - VEGETA, POWER YOUR ASS BACK DOWN, CAUSE WE'RE GONNA ACCEPT GOKU'S OFFER AND HAVE DINNER OVER AT HIS PLACE!

Vegeta - (powers down) Yes mam...

Goku - Hahaha, your so whipped!

Vegeta - (gives Goku a death glare)

Goku - Okay okay okay!

Vegeta - (still really p'oed) What time should we come?

Goku - Uh, how about tonight at around 6:00pm?

Bulma - Sounds good!

Vegeta - Fine...I guess I might as well bring that waterpik along too.

Bulma - YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY THAT WATERPIK!

Vegeta - WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOU AND THAT DAMNED, OLD DECREPID WATERPIK?

(later that night, at Goku's house)  
Chichi - Alright, is everything ready Goku?

Goku - Yep, I made sure that everything was set up!

Chichi - Yeah, that's what worries me!

Goku - (scoffs)

Gohan - So, what are we having for dinner tonight?

Goku - Tonight, I will be making a legendary dish of mine; a dish that no one but me has ever tasted or seen! All will tremble before me once they have tasted my magnificent meal!  
No one, and I mean no one, will ever be able to create a dinner greater than the one that I shall create tonight; for tonight is the night of reckoning; the night where worlds will crumble under my mighty feet as I serve a dish so flawless, so amazing, that it is absolute perfection. Ah yes, I have waited for this moment all of my life, a moment in which I debut my most powerful of dishes, a dish that will shock and amaze all who taste and eat it; ah yes, the sweet flavour of power; a flavour that will excite the tounges of all, young and old; a taste that will--

(door bell rings)

Chichi - They're here!

Gohan - Thank God. I don't think I could have handled one more minute of Dad's nonsensicle rambling.

Chichi - Could you please get the door Goku?

Goku - --something that will stir up emotions, unlike any food before; a food so amazing, tasty,  
and flawless, that it shall be known, as the greatest food ever created by mankind; the greatest dish on the planet Earth-- neh, in the entire galaxy--

Chichi - (smashes Goku over the head with a chair) SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!

Goku - Oh man, did I start ranting on and on about my dish again?

Chichi - Yes Goku!

Goku - My absolutely magnificent and flawless, emotionally riviting dish--

Chichi - (smashes another chair over his head)

Goku - Okay, I get the point! (walks over and opens the door) Hello Vegeta and Bulma! How are you two doing tonight?

Vegeta - (grumpily) We're fine Kakaro-- MY GOD MAN, ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU HAVE NO PANTS ON?

Goku - What? (looks down) AH CRAP! (runs off)

Vegeta - This is going to be the worst night of my life...

Bulma - Yeah, whatever!

(later on)  
Chichi - (sarcastic) Boy Goku, nice way to start off the evening; greeting the guests with no pants on!

Goku - Gimme a break Chichi; at least I had underwear on!

Bulma - Actually Goku, you didn't.

Vegeta - (shudders)

Goku - Well...ain't that a bitch?

Vegeta - So, when are we going to eat? The sooner I get out of this place, the better!

Goku - We'll be eating in about ten minutes!

Bulma - What are we going to be having?

Goku - Well..

Gohan - Oh God--

Goku - Tonight, I will be making a legendary dish of mine; a dish that no one but me has ever tasted or seen! All will tremble before me once they have tasted my magnificent meal!  
No one, and I mean no one, will ever be able to create a dinner greater than the one that I shall create tonight; for tonight is the night of reckoning; the night where worlds will crumble under my mighty feet as I serve a dish so flawless, so amazing, that it is absolute perfection. Ah yes, I have waited for this moment all of my life, a moment in which I debut my most powerful of dishes, a dish that will shock and amaze all who taste and eat it; ah yes, the sweet flavour of power; a flavour that will excite the tounges of all, young and old; a taste that will amaze! Something that will stir up emotions, unlike any food before; a food so amazing, tasty, and flawless, that it shall be known, as the greatest food ever created by mankind; the greatest dish on the planet Earth-- neh, in the entire galaxy! My absolutely magnificent and flawless, emotionally riviting dish, which I shall reveal to all in only ten mear minutes!

Bulma - Wow...that sounds like...something...

Vegeta - You watch Bulma, it'll probably turn out to be something like a hotdog or something!  
(laughs)

Gohan - (laughs)

Goku - Ha! Laugh now! But in ten minutes, you shall no longer be laughing! Instead, you will be indulging yourself in my.

(ten minutes of nonsensical babbling later)  
Goku - ...will be the greatest known to man!

Vegeta - (thinking) Note to self; don't ever mention Kakarot's dish ever again around him.

Goku - Well, it must be done now! (leaves)

Vegeta - Something tells me that something is going to go horribly wrong during dinner...

Goku - (comes back out holding a bowl full of black gunk) Here it is!

Vegeta - That looks like a steaming vat of shite!

Gohan - That's probably what it is...

Bulma - Mind your manners Vegeta!

Vegeta - Oh, by the way Kakarot, here's that waterpik that I--

Bulma - YOUR NOT GIVIN' HIM THAT WATERPIK!1

Vegeta - FINE! KEEP YOUR STUPID, OLD, DECREPID WATERPIK THEN!

Bulma - Thank you dear!

Goku - Let's dig in then on my magnificent--

Vegeta - Kakarot, if you even say another word about your damned dinner, I will rip your head off and feed it to rabid animals.

Goku - (silent) Okay then.

(after dinner)  
Goku - Oh man! I couldn't eat any more even if my life depended on it! So...what did everone think of my magnificent meal?

Chichi - It was...interesting to say the least...

Gohan - It was strange...ly good!

Bulma - I happened to like it quite a bit!

Vegeta - It was actually not that bad, surprisingly! At least, compared to Bulma's crap-ass cooking that is!

(Bulma smashes another chair over Vegeta's head)

Chichi - God, by the end of tonight, I'll have no more chairs left!

Vegeta - (rubbing his head) But there is something that I would really like to know.

Goku - Yeah, what?

Vegeta - What exactly was in this dinner that you made? I couldn't really make out what that strange flavour was while I was eating it.

Goku - Oh! I call this meal of mine; 'Gokus Bean Dinner'.

Vegeta - (looks horrified)

Goku - Basically, all I really did, was mix some beans and some vegetables with molases and then add some seasoning to it, and the I cooked it for ten--

(loud gurgling noises)

Gohan - Ew! Dad!

Goku - What? That wasn't one of mine!

Vegeta - I...I think it's time for us to leave...

(louder gurgling noises)

Bulma - What? Why do we have to leave?

Vegeta - BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO HAVE THE CRAP-OUT OF A LIFETIME! (runs out)

Bulma - I'm sorry that we have to leave so early, but it seems that those beans are sitting well with Vegeta, so, see ya! (leaves)

Chichi - (confused) See ya?...Goku, what the hell were you thinking feeding a man with the bowels of a 3-year-old, tons of beans and molases?

Goku - (not listening)

Chichi - Goku?

Goku - (drooling)

Chichi - GOKU!

Goku - (snaps out of it) Uh, yeah! I'll go feed the dogs!

Gohan - What?

Goku - I don't even know anymore.

THE END! 


End file.
